The Interplay Between Beliefs and Skills

Imagine someone believes that a nice sunny summer day is meant to be spent at the beach. This seems relatively harmless until you ask questions like: does this person know how to drive a car or manage the public transit system? Do they know where the beach is? Once they get there, do they know how to swim, and if not do they have the proper flotation devices? When at the beach are they planning on lying on the sand or water skiing or cliff jumping and do they have the proper ‘know how’? Your answer to the skills involved in going to and spending time on the beach will determine whether this person’s seemingly harmless belief of spending a sunny day at the beach has the potential to be more or less dangerous.

Here is another example, imagine someone believes that every mountain ought to be climbed because ‘it is there’. This would seem like an activity worthy of concern until you start asking questions like: what mountains has this person already climbed (and which mountain are they climbing now)? How long has this person been climbing? Do they have the proper gear and do they know how to use it? Basically we are looking at this person’s skillset to assist us determine whether we think they can do a concerning activity with a greater or lesser likelihood of being safe.

Those were two examples of where beliefs and skills interact with differing outcomes depending of the belief or the skillset. Now let’s bring violence into the equation. Compare two people: one believes that when losing an argument the only way to settle it is to ‘take it outside’. The other person believes that when losing an argument, perhaps there was something you didn’t fully consider and this has been a learning experience. Given this simple difference, which one of these two individuals is likely to do harm?

Let’s look at the same two people again and when comparing skillsets see that one person is quite good at negotiating, communicating and de-escalating. I think we would agree that the person with this skillset is likely to resolve more arguments, without causing harm, than the other. 

I recognize these are simplified examples and other factors can play an influential role however, at its core, the interplay of beliefs and skills will significantly contribute to whether you resolve a situation by causing someone (or yourself) harm or not.

The answers above were easy right; however it can be harder to look at things when they involve ourselves because we tend to justify our behaviour rather than genuinely question or understand it. This is where I will assist you in understanding and questioning your harmful behaviour. We will take a closer look at our influencing beliefs/values as well as rate our skillsets without bias. By doing this, we can look at how our belief systems lead to certain difficult situations and alter those values as required. We can also look at your skillset in managing those situations so you can learn to navigate such situations competently and confidently.